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修改范例3 2012-12-25 19:03:12 / 来源:网络 / 编辑:考鸭网72

学员文章:written by Teresa

Multinational companies and globalization is a topic discusses by the general public. Some people contend that the spread of multinational companies and globalization have positive influence to each one, but I disagree. I think that it may produce some bad influences on some people.

It cannot be denied that the spread of multinational companies and globalization may promote the trade and economic of international. As a matter of fact, it can provide jobs for people, enlarge the scale of the impact and export trade and increase the amount and kind of things to trade.

However, it is obviouse that it may enhance the influence of the economic and tread to other countries. In fact, enlarging the spread of multinational companies and globalization provide more opportunities to each country trade each other. It may enhance the relation on their economic and trade. If one of them appear the economic crisis, the other will be influenced even if go bankrupt.

In addition, dearly building more and more multinational companies and enlarging globalization will limit the development of national companies, even if damage local economic, so it may develop quickly and absorb a variety of reasons what local companies need. If multinational companies become the economic backbone in local area. Once they withdrew from local, then the local economic will be damaged.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that the spread of multinational companies and globalization have some benefit to people, but I think that it also produce negative efforts to people.

综合评价:
考生回答了题目中提出的主要问题,但在文章的细节处理(解释观点、拓展观点)上仍有不足。但是,总的来讲本文基本切题,作者的观点也比较明确。
文章的论证比较有逻辑性,也使用了一些连接词。但在很多地方会误用连接词,造成文章个别段落欠缺连贯性。同时,文章中也存在部分指代不清的现象。
考生特别注意了变化句型,但在基本的选词和词性上却屡屡失误。例如:作者频繁误用economic(经济的)一词表示经济。但这些错误并未造成太大的阅读障碍。
此外,考生尝试使用不同句型,但仍存在一些明显的简单语法错误。

修改建议:

注:本文修改及建议属于精细修改,更具体的讲解和释疑需要专业写作教师的面批。

 

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