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修改范例1 2012-12-25 18:33:12 / 来源:网络 / 编辑:考鸭网72

学员文章:
Taking action to protect plants and animals species is a heated topic discussed. Some people think that it is too late to taken action, others argue that effective action can be taken to protect them.

Some people contend that it is too late to take action to protect the plants and animal species. But if we don’t do something from now, there will be more and more plants and animals which are died out. In fact, there have been many species extinct because of human activity’s negative effects. If we don’t take any action to protect them, some species which are endangered will become extinct. We can’t make the species which have been extict appear, but we can take some action to protect the species which are dive on the earth.

Others argue that effective action can be taken to protect them. They might think that if we takecare effective actions we can try our best to avoid the negative effects from human activity to protect them. We can avoid aggress or occupy their home, stop billing through formulating relevant laws. Besides, we can reduce the amount of private car driving, band tree feeling and pollutant omission which are not allowed to protect environment of their home. We can use the science technology to enlarge the amount of species which are endangered.

In conclusion, I personally think that as long as we take effective action, then we can protect the plants and animals species on the earth.

综合评价:

考生对于题目中的主要问题进行了较为完整的回答,但在具体的论证过程中,理由及举例略显单薄不够充分。
作为本文的优势,考生在逻辑结构上有着不俗的表现。考生应用了一些巧妙的链接,但考生在连词的准确应用上还存在着问题。
在词汇和语法的应用上,考生努力尝试变换用词和句型。但由于文章本身内容的原因,词汇及句型的变换是十分有限的。此外,考生在很多词汇的使用上依然有很大进步空间。

修改建议:


注:本文修改及建议属于精细修改,更具体的讲解和释疑需要专业写作教师的面批。

 

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