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提升范例2 2012-12-25 18:00:12 / 来源:网络 / 编辑:考鸭网72

Adults become working from home, and children become studying from home. It is because computer technology becomes cheaper and accessible. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

考生原文:
With advanced of computer technology, people’s lifestyle change a lot. Many people choose long-distance work at home through the internet, and many students study at home by the internet.

This trend bring benefits of reducing the limit of region for adults. In the past, people liked to move to the big city, because there was more opportunity to find a good job for people. These appearances make the price of house and staff for daily use increase quickly in the big city, at the same time the pressure of people who live in the big city was more serious. But now by using computer, people do not need to move to the big city and find job in any city they want, because they can work at home through the internet.

This trend also play a significantly role in saving time for students. In some big city like Beijing, most of students spend about two hours to go to school and spend another two hours to come back home, because they live far away from school. But now these students can study at home through the internet, and do not need to go to school. Every day they can save about four hours at least.

There are, on other hand, some dangers of controlling people. It is very easy for people to move new place, when people work or study at home, because moving new place dose not effect work or study any more. There is a big trouble for the management of companies or schools, which some  people would not find after they move to the new place, if they do not tell the company or school. But overall, we can limit this problem through some measures, like providing second people to contact if necessary.

My view is that long-distance working is positive change for people, we should make long-distance working more public, at the same time we should enhance the monitor of it.

综合评价:
整体而言,考生回答了题目中提出的主要问题,但在文章的细节处理(解释观点、拓展观点)上仍有不足。但是,总的来讲本文基本切题,作者的观点也比较明确。
文章的论证比较有逻辑性,也使用了一些连接词。但在很多地方会误用连接词,造成文章个别段落欠缺连贯性。同时,文章中也存在多处不清的现象。
考生特别注意了词汇和句型的变化,但在一些基本的语法规则(如:单三)及词汇的拼写上却屡屡失误。但这些错误并未造成太大的阅读障碍。

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